i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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