did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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