i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
