that's an acceptable place to lick
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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