nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
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Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
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Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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