Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
