Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
