You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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