Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
