OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
