I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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