Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
