Nicole vs. Life
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
