Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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