She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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