Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
