Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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