I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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