Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
