my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
