I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i will never coherently bang her
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
PANTIES FOUND
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
