Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
