everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize