So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
