Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
