he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
