I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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