I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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