jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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