So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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