Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
