I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
