I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
