no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize