at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
