don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize