So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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