My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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