WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
