apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
