so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
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He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
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Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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