I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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