I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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