i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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