my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
