Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
