Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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