Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I love you.
Bad choice
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