So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
