You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
