hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
