you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
