My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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