I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
