Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
