A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
