Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
