Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
the raccoons are back...
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