I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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