I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
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My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
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my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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