everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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