I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
