I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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