I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
