Your favorite bartender is back from prision
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
