if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
