i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
