My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize