there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
