i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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