Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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