yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
