im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
