You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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