Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
