The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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