after a month anything with tits is on the radar
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize