My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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