Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
