Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
