How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
